24 June 2009

Chick Can Write


Delena, that is. At her blog. The only thing that could improve that blog is if she abdicated her motherly/wifely duties to blog every day. You know, like I abandoned my real job.

Her entry on "
The Unpublished Letters" is a classic. Some excerpts:

Dear Inventor of the Crying-it-out Method,
I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you were either deaf or wore earphones.

Love,
Delena

[...]

Dear Midwest Summers,
It's fine if you want to be all, "Hey, I'm going to be 98 degrees today!" but this whole heat index of 110 thing has GOT to go. Outdoor time is being cut short which results in unhappy toddlers everywhere. Moms are about ready to revolt. Just thought I'd warn you.

Love,
Delena


Dear Infant Motrin,
Have I told you lately how much better you are for teething babies than Infant Tylenol? Well, you are. Thanks.

Love,
Delena


Dear Alfalfa Herb Supplement,
I decided to take you because you're supposed to be good for lactating moms. I did NOT expect, however, to lose weight due to not wanting to eat inbetween meals. You are my new favorite! Thanks!

Love,
Delena


Dear Sleep,
It's good to have you back, old friend. I've missed you.

Love,
Delena


Dear Hardwood Floors,
I'm absolutely floored (pun absolutely intended). How is it that after I finish sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping you, you STILL manage to have little particles of dust, food, and who knows what else on you? Seriously. What's goin' on with that? Are you TRYING to make me angry? Get your act together, and clean yourself up!

Love,
Delena

[...]

Dear Brussel Sprouts,
I still don't like you.

Love,
Delena
P.S.----> Please tell your cousins Broccoli, Cauliflower, Lima Beans, and Asparagus that I feel the same way about them, too. Thanks.


Dear Mosquitoes,
It's come to my attention that you've noticed that my family has a blow-up pool in the backyard that comfortably fits our entire family. We enjoy this pool. When your friend, Midwest Summers, decides to pump up his heat index, we like to sit in the cool water and just relax. This, though, is NOT our super secret signal to you that you should come feast on us. You actually kind of kill the vibe for us. There are a TON of stray cats in our neighborhood. I'm sure you can find some quality feeding grounds in them. Thanks.

Love,
Delena


Dear Blogging,
I've missed you. I'll try to write you more often.

Love,
Delena

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Agreed. Her blog is so much better than yours.

Love,
Little Brother

Not a Groupie said...

No, it's not better than Mr. Timman's blog. It is much more enjoyable to write about one's simple everyday things in life.

The Timman is writing about hard issues that really make people think, and even get angry. He also has to put up with a lot of naive, misinformed people's comments, and even hateful ones. Most people would quit the blogging after about a week.

Hats off to Mr. Timman!

Peggy said...

Ms. Delena is very funny and succinct. Excellent. She should publish them in a little book that sells in boutique book shops...oh, then they wouldn't be unpublished...rats...;^D

Delena said...

Ahh, you are TOO kind, Timman. I appreciate the shout-out. I've been trying to catch up on all of your posts lately. Keep on keepin' on...you're doing a great job.

Thanks, Peggy. I appreciate the kind words!

Anonymous said...

Very cute - thanks for sharing!

Timman, don't know you enough to know if you're kidding or not, but you said "You know, like I abandoned my real job." Besides this undertaking, do you work another job, and is it part time or full time? This alone must take up a lot of time!

thetimman said...

Thanks "not a" groupie, and Delena and everyone who enjoys this space.

Last anon, I decided long ago not to put advertisements on this site, or charge, or have a hokey "wish list" where people would send me things. I didn't want to have any pressure to not write what I wanted to write.

So, I have another job, that I do sporadically, as blogging permits.

Latinmassgirl said...

TIMMAN!

You are so bad to pretend that you don't have a real job! To anyone that wonders, TImman is employed full-time, but maybe fudges a bit on his schedule to do this blog!

Do you work another job? That was really funny! You professional blogger!