24 June 2009

In the Year 2000 (Redux)

Blame my brother, who suggested that I consider permalinking some of the more interesting posts on this site over the last 2+ years. Of course, I realize that this assumes that any of them are interesting. Here is a post written about the time of the motu proprio Summorum Pontificum in 2007, wherein I fake a mainstream media article some time in the future where some fringe group wants to bring back the long discarded "vernacular Mass". Enjoy.


For those who don't watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien, he does this skit where he tries to predict the future in the retro-nebulous "year 2000", where he and his guest (that's Jack Black over there) shine a flashlight up their faces.

You know. Highbrow stuff.

And, for those of you who don't waste their lives on Catholic blogs all day, the Curt Jester posts some pretty humorous articles on matters relating to the Church and its members.

You know. Catholic stuff.

At the link above, he posted a template for mainstream media types who wanted to publish their own hatchet-job news stories on the Traditional Mass and the Motu Proprio, but who didn't want to work to find the usual lies and half-truths about these subjects on their own. Quite funny, and true.

That got me thinking, what could it be like in 50-100 years from now, when some fringe group of Catholics get "nostalgic" for the novus ordo and clamor for an indult for its use? Thus, without further ado, this story from the Year 2000-- Motu Proprio edition:

Pope Set to Approve Wider Use of Forgotten "Vernacular" Mass

Boston (AP)-- Don't look now, but the Pope is set to ignore the advice of his Bishops and grant permission for the long-discarded novus ordo missae of 1969. The Vatican states that some people are nostalgic for this form of Mass, which was briefly in use in the late twentieth century prior to the restoration of the Church begun in the reign of Benedict XVI.

In the vernacular Mass the priest faces away from God and faces the congregation, reciting the prayers of Mass in a very loud voice, requiring almost continual verbal responses from the faithful, who are not allowed to enter into contemplative prayer and experience the deep inner participation of the Mass of the Ages.

"Because two to three generations of Catholics are accustomed to assisting at the Mass celebrated in the Church's official and unifying language of Latin, it is unlikely most will want to switch to a liturgy that is less formal and conducted in the language they use at the flea market," opined Fr. Jones of Catholic University.

The Holy Father is taking the Church back to before the restoration of Mass and removing the revitalizing norms set by Benedict XVI and subsequent Popes-- a revitalization that most scholars agree brought about the reunification with the former Orthodox churches and increased the number of Catholics by 30 percent. Faithful Catholics are concerned.

The vernacular Mass dilutes the role of the priest by making everyone liable to be up at the altar, walking around the sanctuary like a used car showroom.
The vernacular Mass encourages each priest and congregation to make up their own rubrics to suit their particular mood of the day. In its most advanced stage, it takes the form of the "Clown Mass".

The Pope has received considerable advice not to allow this use from most of the world's bishops, excepting those in France and those in the U.S. northeast and California--long considered the hotbeds of heretical, "progressive" Catholicism in the past.

Catholics are wary because the vernacular Mass is associated with the schismatic groups Call to Action and Voice of the Faithful (sic), whose tiny numbers are offset by their incessant clamor for change. Many believe this move is designed to try to foist a reconciliation with these groups upon the world's bishops.

The proponents of the vernacular Mass are said to number no more than 2 percent of Catholics, and polls show the majority of Catholics embrace the traditional restoration of decades ago. "There seems to be no demand for it," said Fr. Jones.

"I totally dig the old guitar Masses, man," said Moonbeam Johnson, age 87, of Orange County. "Holding hands at the Our Creator prayer, and helping break the bread and pass around the wine make me feel really good."


StGuyFawkes said...

(UPI) June 23, 2050.

Reunifications plans between the Holy See and schismatic sects calling themselves Voice of the Faithful and Call to Action were interupted this week by an interview for Swedish television made by an aging Bishop Marek Bozek of the unified Ecumenical and Catholic Gay Polish Congregations.

ARchbishop Marek Bozek told Swedish television that the Countereformation never happened. He added that the Battle of Lepanto was a hoax and the Crusades were in fact a "social justice" demonstration that got out of hand.

Arab groups protested to the Holy See any possible re-admission of Voice of the Faithful and Call to Action. Since the 2015 Council of Cairo wherein most of the Moslem world embraced Catholicism it has been a point of great sensitivity in the Arab world whether the Crusades should not be called, as the Bishop of Damascus insists, "The Great Visitation".

jane chantal said...

LOL!!! :-D

Anonymous said...


While I am glad I can fully participate in the 'vernacular' Mass, this does remind me of the beauty that some hold onto with the traditional Latin Mass.

A grade school nun said it well. The cross has two parts to it. the upright beam points toward the transcendent God, and the cross beam points toward the immanent God. It is heresy to think that you can only find God in one of these ways.

There has to be a balance between finding God both immanent (stressed by the 'vernacular' Mass) and transcendent (stressed by the traditional Latin Mass.)

It is sad when people try to force their belief that God can only be found in one or the other of these two ways. We sometimes forget that the small 'c' catholic means universal, where we know there are as many paths to eternal salvation as there are individuals.

At the intersection of the two is where we are most likely to find the fullness of God. In my own life, I have felt God's presence sometimes more in one way, then later in the other. It is no laughing matter, though, if ever anyone were to criticize me for finding a relationship with God that didn't meet their approval or their way. This article borders on that, yet I'm grateful for its gentle reminder that others find God's presence and awe in ways that are not mine.

Alexander said...

You should have made some kind of comment about a Society of Paul VI or something along those lines.