27 July 2009

Meanwhile, at the Ballgame...

I had a very nice evening at the Cardinals game tonight. Sorry, Delena, but the Dodgers lost.

The most interesting part begins something like a bad joke:

A priest, a blogger and a normal person walk toward the concession stand. Out of nowhere comes a guy in a motorized wheelchair, and he is booking. That is oldster-speak for "he was making good speed." He blows right through us. The blogger, remembering he is with a priest, restrains his tongue. But before he can say anything else, a golf cart whizzes by with the horn blaring. On the cart are an usher and a security guard. Neither is what one would call svelte. It, too, blows right through the group. The security guard yells, "Stop that guy! Stop the guy on the wheelchair!"

Now I do want to clarify one thing. I said the wheelchair and the golf cart were going fast. They were, considering they were a wheelchair and a golf cart. If either the guard or the usher had hopped off of the cart, he would have caught the wheelchair guy in three seconds. Picture George Costanza being chased by the seniors on their scooters.

I would be lying if I said we made any effort to catch this guy. I think we were too stunned by the whole affair. And, of course, there were refreshments to be had. We moved on.

After we returned from the concession stand, one of the other ushers triumphantly told us that the speedy wheelchair guy was nabbed.

And in this manner, the danger to the local populace was averted.

Cards won, 6-1.


Anonymous said...

But, did you do the right thing and boo Manny?

Delena said...

Timman-- It might be the paint fumes from priming our basement coupled with the fact that it's after midnight, but that post just cracked me up.

Until I saw the final score.
The only thing that could have made this story even BETTER was if LA had killed your Cards.

L.G. said...

What did the wheel-chair guy do to be chased by a golf cart? Isn't the golf cart a bit off course to be speeding in a baseball stadium? Most importantly, did the wheel-chair guy confess, since a priest was available - obviously providentially?

One last question: will the Cardinals beat the Dodgers Tuesday night, without the Oratory there cheering?

StGuyFawkes said...

WalMart is the place where I'm always driven to dark reflections on the state of our American republic and the looming threat of obesity.

Has anyone else not noticed that Walmart offers scooters for the obese. I've seen it a million times. Big tubs of men and women making the asphalt shake as they leave their cars and pass through the greeters to get on a scooter.

The one moment of their day in which they might actually have to walk around and burn some calories is denied them thanks to Walmart.

It's the most perverse thing I've ever seen and yet it's so much a part of our American landscape. Scooters which are clearly intended for the truly disabled are being commandeered by the overweight and lazy.

And so it goes.

The only way the obesity crisis will be solved is if we start charging people to use those things and make overweight people pay extra for their seats on planes. I know this is cruel and ugly but after reflecting on the Walmart scene I can't see any other way.

The country has become co-dependant to the disease of obesity.

I say this speaking as a man who is at least thirty pounds overweight.

HSMom said...

Great game! and 25 cent drinks at Mobil!

Ha! What a scene! Gotta watch out for those scooter riders--they're a scaaaary bunch!