26 August 2009

Meatless Friday Tuesday, Part I

One of my favorite comments on any post is this one: "What does this have to do with a Catholic blog?"  The usual answer is found in the masthead of this blog-- "unabashedly Catholic news and views".  By this I mean that I am Catholic, I'm not abashed, and I have a view.

A friend of mine has often suggested that I start a regular feature called "Meatless Fridays", because sometimes it is fun to cover some topic that doesn't seem to quite fit the overall purpose of the blog.  I have so far demurred, because I didn't want to limit myself to waiting for Fridays to post on oddball stuff, just in case.

Now I have a sensible solution.  If my "unabashedly Catholic news and views" can be on any topic, why shouldn't "Meatless Friday" occur on any day of the week?

Therefore, welcome to Meatless Friday Tuesday. 

Our subject today arose from a lunch conversation some friends and I were having about the Jeff Smith drama, and somebody who had seen the mockumentary "Can Mr. Smith Get to Washington Anymore?" pointed out that the ubiquitous local political science professor Ken Warren appeared in the film.  Another asked, "Who's Ken Warren?" 

I replied, "Ken Warren is the Tamm Avenue overpass of political scientists."

This got me to thinking about the utter predictability of the St. Louis local media.  Below is a list of some of the certainties of St. Louis local TV--

Death, Taxes, and...

1.  If there is a campaign coverage segment, Ken Warren will be interviewed ("I brought my own microphone!").

2.  If a flake of snow exists, or is rumored to come, the reporter at the bottom of the studio food chain will be standing on the Tamm Avenue overpass  (This is typically accompanied by video footage of traffic humming smartly along Highway 40, followed by stock footage of salt trucks being filled with salt, circa 1978.).

3.  In the above wintry situation, the second lowest reporter on the food chain will be reporting from the "panic aisle" of the Schnucks at Hampton Village (The bread!  The milk!  The Humanity!).

4.  If the Archbishop takes a walk outside the chancery, SNAP media divas will be interviewed to the effect that the Archbishop is doing it all wrong, and that it hurts people's feelings ("I brought my own microphone!").

5.  If there is a story about the stock market, Julie Niemann will be interviewed ("Don't you have your own microphone?").

6.  Teresa Woodard will be surprised.  VERY Surprised.

7.  During the Summer, should the temperatures break 65 degrees Fahrenheit, the 57-minute weather report will be briefly interrupted by a report from the Tamm Avenue overpass reporter at some local community center urging people to leave the comfort of their homes to pile on cots in the air conditioned gymnasium at Webster Groves, and begging people, please, please get those pets out of your car!  Now! NOW! (Typical footage on these stories--also circa 1978--includes children running through fire hydrant spray, and the dramatic, Lawrence-of-Arabia-straight-into-the-desert-sun shot.).

8.  No matter what time the city hall, sports arena, office complex, police station, or store covered in any news story closes-- you will find the intrepid local reporter parked outside of it at 10:05 p.m. for a live shot, just in case it springs to life.

9.  Dave Murray's Weather Spotlight has very little to do with weather, and doesn't really deserve a spotlight.

10. It's A.D. 2020, and Rene Knott is still trying to get a handle on this sports thing.

That's a start, anyway, and certainly not an exhaustive list.  If you think of others, please feel free to add in the combox.


thetimman said...

PMKD and HSMom, I goofed and accidentally rejected your comments when I meant to publish. Sorry, please post again!

Fenian said...

Great observations. I actually chuckled audibly in my cubicle.

Adopted Daughter said...

#7 was my ultimate favorite!

Just an FYI-

I saw Dave Murray at the grocery store one day. He was wearing a grey sweat suit, it was really strange seeing him without his normal coat & tie.
I don't know what I was expecting him to buy... But all he bought were ice cream sandwiches and coco puffs.

Dennis said...

Anyone who has ever spent at least 48 hours within 100 miles of the Arch will invariably be described as a "St. Louis native".

PMKD said...

It seems like that on more than one occasion, there was a reference to the 1904 World's Fair and how Saint Louis has changed since then. Whenst I moved to Saint Louis in 1996, I never got that.


PS: Why milk & bread (don't forget eggs are often missing from the shelves) from Schnucks. People must eat something other than French Toast when trapped in by the 1/4" of snow. Why not beef jerky, beer, Chartreuse or some processed pork products?

Peggy said...

You mean you still watch local news? You don't even need school closings in the winter!

My local media story is from far away: Living in DC, I "discovered" STLToday.com and a transplant columnist with the geeky chick glasses. She calls--still--St Louis, "the Lou." I complained to her that it sounded too much like "the Loo" and was thus rather insulting. She would have none of that. It was fine, she assured me.

Methodist Jim said...

I'm a bit hurt Timman . . . "somebody"?! I suppose I'd rather be "somebody" than "nobody" but still.

Anonymous said...

You forgot the mandatory shot of kids playing on Art Hill after a snowfall. You'd think that this is the only hill St. Louis has, so thats why all the kids HAVE to go there to sled.

The Wallaces said...

Makes me miss living in St. Louis. Even though it was only three months during one of the hottest summers on record, I miss the city.

just wondering said...

modot boss is always interviewed(and they have a new one every year)with a frozen mustache,(man, woman, it doesn't matter)with salt trucks filling up in the background with the question being asked - "so, modot boss, just how do you plan to control mother nature this year?, do you have enough salt?" modot boss answers, "oh, we got it all under control, just be sure to give yourself a little extra time for the morning commute and slow down out there." quick cut away to cars spinning wildly out of control on the on ramps, coming to rest against other cars, and then a jump to wal-mart with people coming out with bags of salt and snowshovels. i fear my meatless friday on tuesday comment will end up being posted on friday anyway.

just wondering said...

i would have never figured dave murray for a cocopuff guy.

cp said...

I just LOVE the thought of Meatless Fridays. So clever! Perhaps you could go with Veiled Sundays now. You know, it's more news that you had to uncover. Then, Receive on the Tongue Wednesdays. It's all the news you couldn't touch (but others had no problem with it).