13 July 2010

They Can Have My Air Conditioning When They Pry It from My Cold, Dead Fingers

Or something like that.

I'm an American. Hear me? An American.

Among the many traits of such a son of the New World is a proper thankfulness-- and dependence-- upon air conditioning.

Call it the 8th Wonder of the World, if you will.

And if you get a moment to experience that first second of relief upon opening your front door on a blazing and humid July Sunday, after having worked off some Purgatory inside the air-conditioning-free zone that is your church, you will know what it is like to be thankful for God's gift of air conditioning.

I mean, of course the Incarnation tops it. Sure. And maybe the creation of man, if you want to get technical. But really, air conditioning is pretty good, top ten at least, and not enough appreciated. At night, do your children thank God for it? Do they? Do they? Come on!

Don't you teach them their Catechism? As you should know, the Catechism comes from Baltimore. Have you been in Baltimore in August? Do you know the real reason those gifts in the picture about the Fall of Man are wilting? It's hot out there!

And tell me this: Is the inventor of air conditioning canonized? If not, I would like to know why not. Not Catholic? Well, where are the ecumenists on this one?

As a fat man trapped in an obese man's body I will shout from the rooftops--I want my air conditioning!

My response?


Call me the Chuck Heston of climate control.


E said...

Thank you for your faithfulness and your humor. I'm sure I will recall this post with a smile during our non-air-conditioned Masses this summer!

Long-Skirts said...

(or ode to an air-conditioner)

What a joy to be cold
When it is so hot
Undeserving sometimes my life’s sordid.

You give me a taste
Of what I want not
In hell, for eternity, boarded!

Badger Catholic said...


Phil said...

i just turned my a/c down a notch. it feels good.

Father G said...


I lived in worked in sub-Saharan Africa as a missionary for over three years...no running water, no electricity, and hence no air conditioning. I know what it's like...
My experience as a missionary was wonderful but now that I'm again serving here in the USA, I thank the Good Lord every night that I can live in an air conditioned house!

Peggy said...

I have to confess that, while I require A/C on these above 90 days, I can't stand to pay to freeze my a** off in the summer. When I got my first apt w/o roomies, and until marriage to a normal human being (male of course) who required A/C, I did NOT use A/C. That was about 10 years. I hated freezing at the office every day. That's one thing I do not miss about working. I do miss good lunches, business dinners, however--not to mention adult conversation.

I am no enviro-wacko. I am a cheap skate, however.

Latinmassgirl said...

I used to spend several weeks with my grandparents every summer. They were Italian immigrants who lived on nothing but their social security check, so they never could afford to modernize their shot-gun style house with and air conditioner.

The first day was really rough, but they had huge fan that was in their kitchen window blowing the hot air out and recirculating the air within the house, so it wasn't too bad.

I remember lying awake on top of the sheets at night, listening to the hum of the fans and the loud crickets. I felt one with nature and it almost seemed that time went by slower in Nana's house.

That time is gone to me now as most houses are too large for fans to have any affect. IF the environmental "religious order" makes a serious threat to take away our air conditioning, then they will have to take away our guns as well! (wink)

lehrkcmo said...

Having grown up in Houston where I believe air conditioning was invented secretly in the 1800's or so, I feel your pain. Having married someone whose idea of a good time is an "attic fan" blowing full blast to "cool off the house"? MORE pain. I offer it up.