I am starting a new feature today, as this post's title reveals: News in One Sentence, Yes!, or, NOSY.
Who has time to read actual news articles anymore? Why not take some news headlines and jump to conclusions?
But Timman, you say, these headlines are too confusing! Who will tell us what it all means? Help!
Don't worry, I'm here for you. Let's begin. I'll reprint a headline from around the internets and give to you straight in one sentence:
Russian Scholar Warns Of 'Secret' U.S. Climate Change Weapon...
Al Gore sets his sights on ruining yet another country's economy with quirky, bogus claims.
ISRAEL HAS '8 DAYS' TO HIT IRAN NUKE SITE
After 8 days, the U.S. will be bankrupt from fighting all the other unnecessary wars.
Terrorist tapes found under CIA desk...
Bin Laden assigned to new cubicle.
Iran says to unveil array of weapons next week...
The next headline gives a sneak peek of one of these.
Iranian fighter jet crashes near nuclear plant...
To any possible attackers near nuclear plant, we say, "Look up!"
Civil War preservation group backs Gettysburg casino...
Group to celebrate Robert E. Lee going "all-in" at Pickett's Charge
Oh, That'll Win Women Votes
57 minutes ago