03 January 2012

Guns Don't Kill People. Pizza Kills People.

Stories like this make me wonder if common sense has been completely bred out of our nation.  At least the school wardens didn't put the institution on "lockdown" after this very scary event.  From the full article: 

Boy disciplined after waving gun-shaped pizza slice

Posted: Dec 14, 2011 4:01 PM CST  
Reported By Andy Cordan, Reporter

SMYRNA, Tenn. - For the rest of the semester, a Rutherford County elementary student has to eat lunch at the "silent table" for allegedly waving around a slice of pizza some say resembled a gun.

Nicholas Taylor attends David Youree Elementary School in Smyrna, about 30 miles southeast of Nashville.

School leaders say the 10-year-old threatened other students at his lunch table with a piece of pizza with bites out of it so it looked like a gun and when asked about it was initially not truthful.

Nicholas' mother LeAnn calls her son's punishment "absolutely ridiculous" saying he was just playing around and never said anything derogatory or anything about shooting anyone.

"The kid across the table from him said it looked like a gun so he picked it up and started shooting it in the air," she told Nashville's News 2 Investigates.

Taylor said she learned of the incident when the school sent her a note saying her son was threatening other students.

James Evans, spokesperson for the Rutherford County School District, said the boy isn't being punished because he had a piece of pizza shaped like a gun.

He's being punished because "some students reported he was making some threatening hand gestures, that he was shooting other kids at the table and they reported it to a teacher," according to Evans.

He continued, "The student didn't tell him the truth about it so he got silent lunch for six days."


In addition to lunch at the silent table, Nicholas has spent time with the school resource officer learning about gun safety.

Taylor said the school system has made it clear that if her son eats his pizza into the shape of a gun again and there is a similar occurrence, he will be suspended. 

I was going to suggest that readers eat their pizzas into the shape of guns for the rest of the month, in solidarity with young Nicholas.  These guns could be rifles or handguns, whatever works best with your individual pizza and biting preferences.  Just make sure you don't bite them into fully automatic shapes-- those require federal licenses, and I am not responsible for your actions.  DO NOT chew them into tank, hand grenade, missile or shoe-bomb shapes.  Be an adult about this.  And remember that if you are traveling in Illinois, put the pizza in your trunk, with the pepperoni locked in a separate container.  No funny stuff, see.

After so chewing, DO NOT send them to the David Youree Elementary School. That would mean trouble.  The "school resource officer" (euphemism for the police) would have to teach you about pizza safety.  Trying to rehabilitate young Nicholas with the government school authorities is impossible.  Besides, pulling him out of that environment would  be the best thing his parents could do.

Why do parents subject their children to this kind of treatment?


Karen said...

My son would be outta there so fast! I say we all send this school some gun-shaped pizzas. That'll learn 'em :)

Anonymous said...

Fascinating. How did Master Nicholas create the trigger area?


Latinmassgirl said...

He probably didn't even make a trigger area, as that would have made his nose dirty with sauce. So, I think that it was a non-working gun, so surely he should have just gotten a "time-out" in the corner.

Timman, we loved your commentary - a good laugh we had. We think that since it is Christmas season, perhaps making gingerbread men holding guns would be appropriate. Of course, if we made an army, the swat team might show up at our door.