23 January 2013

Elena Vidal Takes Down The NYT on Courtship

And gives young ladies some good advice-- in this post at the Tea at Trianon blog:

I don't know who is more confused: the person writing the article or the people whom the article is about. I see nothing wrong with a group of young people going out together. What is sad is that young men feel they don't have to exert any effort to win a young lady's affection. This does not mean a boy has to buy jewelry for a girl. According to tradition, a lady should not accept gifts of jewelry from a man until they are engaged. What it does mean is that a gentleman who wishes to court a lady should have good grooming, good manners, and the ability to pay for the dinner or entertainment. If a man cannot pay for small diversions when enjoying the company of a young lady then he is not ready for serious courtship, which might lead to the greater responsibilities and expenses of marriage. In that case, it is better to go out with a group of friends.

Ladies, you need to have respect for yourselves. You need to see that if a man wishes to keep company with you, he has to deserve your regard. And when keeping company with a young man, please do not think you owe him anything other than a pleasant manner. Your kisses are not for sale; your body is not for sale. Do not settle for less than the best and do not compromise your values for any reason. It seems that now boys expect girls to "hook up" with them just because they're male and breathing. From the
New York Times:


Traditional courtship — picking up the telephone and asking someone on a date — required courage, strategic planning and a considerable investment of ego (by telephone, rejection stings). Not so with texting, e-mail, Twitter or other forms of “asynchronous communication,” as techies call it. In the context of dating, it removes much of the need for charm; it’s more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble.
“I’ve seen men put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a woman out,” said Anna Goldfarb, 34, an author and blogger in Moorestown, N.J. A typical, annoying query is the last-minute: “Is anything fun going on tonight?” More annoying still are the men who simply ping, “Hey” or “ ’sup.” (Read entire article.)


elena maria vidal said...

Thank you for the link!

LMG said...

Going out with friends in a group is good for a young person, but when you are over 20, it can be an easy way to avoid actual courtship and intimacy with one woman.

thetimman said...

You're welcome! Your post was well-stated. The term 'courtship' in the NYT article seems synonymous with standard, mid-to late-20 th century dating. In some more traditional Catholic or evangelical circles, it means something else. That something else might blow the reporter's mind beyond recall.

Peggy R said...

Even being a single woman in the 90s, I could tell that remotely traditional ideas of courtship were dead. And this was before texting and kids going out as a group. Men didn't call until the last minute. I married the guy that picked up the phone, made the effort, had ideas of evening plans, wanted to be alone with me--not with a group.

This is a consequence of the "equality" you discuss above. Men are weakened and have become lazy by it. I hope that some of today's girls' parents tell them to insist on a phone call, a plan, a date w/o others. Is it really too much to ask? Apparently so.