06 March 2013

Just for the Record, I am Willing to Be Considered

Ever since the announcement that the former Pope would abdicate the throne-- since the announcement, mind you, and not just the interregnum itself-- I have been fairly appalled at the obvious politicking by Papabile-wannabes.  

To be specific, it is not the politicking of the press and the pseudo-Catholic progressives in the clerical state that is so appalling.  These people are predictable, and have long since ceased to shock.  No, the politicking that has appalled me is that of the Cardinals (or their obvious backers) themselves, in Rome and/or to the religious and secular press.  Foremost is the distasteful campaigning of Cardinal Turkson of Ghana and some of the stuff out of Brazil.

When I saw this, I thought to myself that this level of odious begging was beneath a Prince of the Church, and was more in line with the actions of a pompous, insecure, windbag fame-hound.

This naturally led me to think of myself.  Hey, that's me!

So, I hereby make it known that I am up for the job.  Because Saint Louis Catholic is read by nearly all of the Sacred College, you won't need to pass it along to them.  They know, believe me.

Why me?  Why not? 

If elected, I promise to advance the following agenda:

1.  Suppression of the novus ordo, with a 3-year indult to allow an orderly transition to the real Mass of the Roman Rite.  Why 3-years?  So the novus ordo attendee can say an affectionate goodbye to whichever is his personal favorite Year and Cycle of readings.  Ah, yes, who can blame me for being partial to Year Two, Cycle B?  Those were the days!

2.  It goes without saying that the Roman Calendar is back from day one-- and of course by that I mean the traditional one.

3.  The SSPX will be given faculties whether they like it or not. And then I would hold their actions to the same standards as I would any other cleric, society or order.  And rest assured, those would be the same.

4.  I will consecrate Russia to Mary's Immaculate Heart in union with all the bishops of the world.  If any refuse, they are sacked as of that moment.

5.  I will order a reorganization of the Code of Canon Law to harmonize the 1917 Code with the new one, always in the light of the proper understanding of Canon Law, without resorting to mere positivism.

6.  Suffice to say that there will be many early admonitions, which would lead to canonical penalties if unheeded, for our Catholic secular politicians.

7.  I will launch a vigorous program of ecumenical outreach, based upon the Papal documents Mortalium Animos and Unam Sanctam.  I would ensure the appointment of Catholic Patriarchs in the traditional Eastern Sees and also a new Archbishop of Canterbury.

8.  As a personal touch, I will make Kenrick-Glennon Seminary a Pontifical Seminary.

9.  All of the Vatican dicasteries will have new heads.  Cardinal Burke will be employed.

Well, that's it for a start.  If I can just get that done before I am assassinated, all will be well.  You might have additional ideas, if so, put them in the combox.

There you have it, Your Eminences-- Vote for me, thetimman.

My regnal title?  Pope Zosimus II.


Anonymous said...

If I only were a Cardinal ....


Anonymous said...

What about Lando II??? You would appeal to the PC crowd by associating yourself with Billy Dee! You could then suppress the prequels with the Motu Propio Jar Jar anathama sit.


Marc said...

Just think about it...There would be free Colt .45 to drink, too!

Perhaps it'll "work every time" to rid the Church of heretics, liturgical dancers, girl altar boys, etc.

George Cardinal Weigel said...

Timman: You lost my vote.

Joe said...

You forgot to mention declaring women's pants to be in perfect conforming with traditional norms of modesty.

Bernadette Michael said...

Papal tiara would be nice.

Anonymous said...

What about Pope Geddy II?


ATW said...

You've got my vote!

Andrew said...

A crusade. Don't forget the crusade. And the reconstitution of the Holy Office of the Inquisition.