I have resolved to stay ahead of the curve when it comes to the liturgy.
Sure, I bandwagoned a bit during the reemergence of the Traditional Latin Mass in the Pope Benedict/Archbishop Burke era here in St. Louis, but those days are long gone.
Now I want to just get on with the spirit of the liturgy in these days of simplicity, and make my contribution to my English speaking Catholic sisters and brothers. Of course, a cynic might point out that one common liturgical language for every country would be simpler, but I am assured that's somehow not true.
Hence, here is a sneak peak at some excerpts from the new, new (new) English language dynamic translation of the venerable Novus Ordo Missae that I am sending to the Congregation for Divine Worship. Once the Prefect reviews it, he will send it to the necessary 73 committees of the Bishops' Conferences for the English speaking peoples. Once consensus is reached, the people of God will
Presider (P): Hi.
Faith Community (FC): How's it goin'?
Optional Penitential Rite
P: We got any racists or homophobes in here?
FC: You know it.
P: Knock it off.
FC: Our bad.
Readings, Responsorial Psalm and Gospel
(In order to finally plumb the depths of scripture and other, more relevant spiritual texts, there will be a 76 year cycle of readings, to match the average life span of a non-aborted American woman, labeled Years A through XXX. Instead of the Psalms, a different passage of the Harry Potter series will be read, in full costume. All other readings will be gender neutral, horizontally, vertically, and even diagonally.)
(This must be given at every Mass, weekday or Sunday, and must be at least 30 minutes long. It is to be given by a different parishioner each day, on a rotating basis.)
(Presider may select among Apostles' Creed, Elton John's Can You Feel the Love Tonight?, or U2's I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.)
(Greatly simplified. Only the actual words of consecration are mandatory, along with the new, required acclamation):
P: It really is good, guys!
FC: And gals!
All: Lamb of God, who takes away unjust social structures, soak it to the rich.
Lamb of God, who takes away unjust social structures, soak it to the rich.
Lamb of God, who takes away unjust social structures, give dissenting Catholics tax-exempt status.
(All are welcome, and not only is Communion in the hand mandatory, it is greatly recommended-- in order to emphasize the priesthood of the laity-- that the Community remain seated and that the Eucharist be passed back hand-to-hand to the last row first, first row last.)
P: Be excellent to each other.
FC: Party on, Dude!
Well, it's a first draft, anyway. Things are moving quickly, and I gotta hustle.