I was trying to come up with a subhead to this story, but I couldn't choose just one. Now, only a pathetic blogger would stoop to trotting out a passé "Top Ten" list. But, wait-- that's me!
So, with my apologies, here they are, the Top Ten Subheads for this headline:
10. Vatican Officials Hope to Eliminate Pesky Canonization Logjam Soon
9. Demographers Confirm: Beatified Deceased Catholics to Outnumber Those Not Beatified by 2031
8. "Well, it's a miracle to keep the faith at all these days, isn't it?" says Postulator.
7. Former Pontiff Called Pioneer in Coping with the Effects of Vatican II
6. In Joint Effort with UN Commission, Attendees Will Receive Combination Smoke/Smoke of Satan Alarm for Home Use
5. In Honor of Humanae Vitae, Cardinal Kasper to Lead Collegial Episcopal Effort to Ignore Beatification
4. First 100 Confirmed Attendees Will Also Be Beatified
3. Pontiff Will be Disinterred and then Reinterred with that Torpedo-like Tiara He Last Wore
2. Rome Braces for Scores of Faithful Pilgrims Expected to Attend
1. Overheard: Pope Francis to Aide, "Who's Next?"