10 June 2014

Patheos-Approval Pending

To say that the Church is not rolling from success to success and from popularity unto popularity isn't saying anything we don't already know.  Certainly the news out of the chanceries and the dicasteries is anything but good.  The world hates the Church as much as ever, but the more the Church tries to cozy up to the world the worse it gets for Catholics.

Many people don't go to Church anymore, they don't go to confession anymore, they don't baptize their children anymore.  Many people don't believe in Church teachings anymore. Our own leaders have seemingly lost the will to stick up for the faith, and have in many cases spread confusion and dismay themselves.

The solution of the really cool neo-Catholic blogs:  attack anyone who notices these things.  Then, hide in the corner under a pile of coats and hope that everything turns out all right.

I'm tired of being stuck at the crazy table!  I want to be loved!

So, friends, I hope you will enjoy the gallows humor in this satirical post by St. Corbinian's Bear.  It gives the perfect template to get a real Patheos blog:

...First off, "the Bear" has negative connotations. The author of this blog shall therefore be known as "Cuddles the Teddy Bear." The persona will be a bi-polar ex-Wiccan mom with a weight problem. (Everybody loves converts with lovable foibles.)

Second, the Bear was far too negative. Cuddles the Teddy Bear's motto shall be "if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all." Occasional flashes of anger shall be reserved for Vatican-approved targets, such as traddies and plutocrats.

Third, the Bear's readers were rather an elite group. Cuddles the Teddy Bear is going for a broader audience. So he will make his sentences short. He will not use big words.

Pope Francis Does Good Thing

Peace is good. Pope Francis is good. Pope Francis likes peace. Pope Francis called his friends from different religions and invited them to a picnic. His friends are Jews and Moslems. Did you know Jews and Moslems worship the same God we do? It's true! Judaism, Islam and Christianity all come from Abraham's God. Abraham started the three great religions. (Other religions are good, too. Everyone worships the same God, just by different names. Everybody goes to heaven.)

All people are sisters and brothers. They should all love one another. That makes Abraham happy.

All good people like Pope Francis. But some people are not good. They want to torture other people by burning them at the stake and making them listen to Latin. They are bad. But Pope Francis has a plan to make sure they don't hurt anyone. It is lucky that all the bad people are in the Catholic Church where Pope Francis can keep an eye on them.

You are a good person. This blog is approved! You like everyone and like Pope Francis, too. Don't you feel good now? Tomorrow Cuddles the Teddy Bear will write another nice article. It will be about Pope Francis doing or saying something nice. I bet you can't wait!


People, it's OK.  The Church will never fail. God bless those willing to fight the "Long Defeat".  Victory seems temporally impossible, but in light of eternity, it is assured. 

1 comment:

Long-Skirts said...

"The solution of the really cool neo-Catholic blogs: attack anyone who notices these things..." and respectfully write a petition!!!


Fisher More
Fr. Wylie say, “Good-bye”

Holy Innocents
Deacon Nick
Slowly boil, now that’s the trick

So cock your pens
And write your pappy
Spill your ink on trees once sappy

But do not fight
With soul and might
In charity, just letter-write

For you are lords
Approved patricians
Who give your lives for bloody petitions!