10 December 2015

Ask the Blogger: Mercy Edition

Hello everyone!  And welcome to the Year of Mercy.  I have never been quite so uneasy at the prospect of receiving mercy before, so this is new on me. But, as a treat for you, the readers, I have decided to clear out my email yet again and answer some of the many questions I get each day. Let's get started:

_____

To the Insufferable Blogger with the Stupid "Name",

It really makes me happy to see Pope Francis tying nut jobs like you into knots.  You said the biological solution would rid the Church of hippies.  Ha! What do you think now?

--Rejuvenated Hippie

Dear Hippie,

First, let me say that I'm glad that you are so merciful to your fellow Catholics. I certainly do get confused, as terms like Mercy, Hate, and Tolerance seem to mean different things than what I read in the dictionary. 

That being said, I think that though the biological solution will solve us all in time, events may telescope in a way that we are all faced with the biological solution in the next few years.  Not so funny, but the hippies have certainly done much to advance the destruction of the institutional Church.  I wonder what it will look like to you if you finally succeed.  To me, it looks like martyrdom.  Good luck, and peace out.

--thetimman

_____

Yo, timman,

What's with the bow ties?

--In the Know

Dear In the Know,

Well, you should know that.

--thetimman

_____

Dear thetimman,

I think you are trying to have it both ways. Your posts show you know that there is a crisis in the Church. They show you know the novus ordo is a major problem. They show that Pope Francis is the culmination of Catholics' nightmares. You have called for the suppression of the novus ordo. Yet you aren't calling for Francis to resign. What gives? Are you just a coward or what?

--Thomas More Catholic than You

Dear More,

I certainly am a coward, but I don't see the connection to your criticism. I don't govern what the Pope does. And if he won't ask Francis to resign, why should I?

--thetimman

_____

Dear Timmy,

These 'Ask the Blogger' bits are usually funny. Dude, you are depressing me.

--Flem

Dear Flem,

Is there a question there?

--thetimman

_____

Dear Local Blogger,

I thought your blog was called SAINT LOUIS Catholic.  Where's the local news?  Have you seen what is going on at the Archdiocese's ecumenical office?  What are they smoking?

--Last Subscription Holder of the St. Louis Review

 Dear Holder,

I think the technical name for it is peyote.  As for local news, there has to be some in order to cover it.  And yes, I am painfully aware of some of the hi jinks of the ecumenical office. These are best ignored, as such things make them feel better and have little relation to Catholicism.

--thetimman

_____

 Dear Hypocrite,

Why won't you get behind changes to the Church's outdated teachings on sexuality? How many children have to suffer before you wake up?

--Free Lover

Dear Free,

You may be right.  I can certainly see how sanctioning sodomy, adultery, and the breakdown of the family will go far in protecting children from sodomy, adultery and the breakdown of the family.

Or not.  

--thetimman 

_____

Hey, Man,

I am a fan of LSD, have been since the '60s.  BIG fan. Anyway, I really dig that freaky light show on St. Peter's.  It makes me forget Vietnam, if only for a little while.  Then I access your blog and you harsh my buzz, man.  What gives?

--Bad Trip

Dear Bad Trip,

Light sources can have a natural, supernatural, or preternatural origin.  In other words, there is a fire in hell, yo.  I think that might be the ultimate bad trip.  Next time I see you, let me tell you about my Star Trek screenplay: it involves Chekov in a hot dog eating contest.

--thetimman

_____ 

Dear Blogger,

How many trads does it take to change a light bulb?

--Curious

Dear Curious,

Two.  One to change the bulb and one to respond to ad hominem attacks by Mark Shea.

--thetimman

_____

Dear thetimman,

Whatever happened to the annual Saint Louis Catholic of the Year Award you used to hand out?  It seems like years since you've named one.

--Nostalgic

Dear Nostalgic,

Good point.  Those were the halcyon days, yes?  Motu Proprio, growth of the real Mass, neoCatholics pretending to like (or at least tolerate) us, lip service given to Catholic dogma, Sheryl Crow pinching toilet paper squares while dating married men (which we know now is A-OK)...  Oh well, sorry about that.

For every past year, you could just assume it was Cardinal Burke.  This year, I have a surprise winner: Angela Merkel.



Just kidding.  It's Cardinal Burke again.

--thetimman
 

7 comments:

Badger said...

I'm pretty sure the screenplay had Chekov in a pie-eating contest...

thetimman said...

You're right, Badger.

I think Skinny Pete confused me.

Steve said...

May God continue to bless his children -- all of us -- during this season of Advent, a time of great mercy and prayer. May Pope Francis continue to serve Christ and Christ's church in good health. May each of us thank God for the blessings we enjoy, spiritual as well as material, and do our best to serve those of our brothers and sisters in need. Yes, it is indeed good to celebrate a Year of Mercy. We need more of it in our lives.

Anonymous said...

With your otherworldly 'insight,' can you specifically tell us Fox News/Rush Limbaugh fans exactly when the Holy Spirit stopped working in the Catholic Church? There are 1.1 billion Catholics in the world, and you and probably you alone know exactly when the Spirit "gave up the ghost," so to speak. Was it in the 1920's? When Vatican II was convened? The generation after the Council of Trent?

1.1 Billion Catholics are sitting on the edge of their chairs waiting for your answer so they too can start condemning where the church is today and vilifying everyone else practicing their faith because, well, you know, we're not really orthodox Catholic unless we're lambasting those who don't think like us.
TIYS

thetimman said...

TIYS,

Merry Christmas! I dig you, but you need to settle down. I don't get your comment this time.

Anonymous said...

Timman,
Your blog continues to say basically that the Holy Spirit stopped working in the Catholic Church, and you and only you and your ilk have the answers. I'm simply trying to pin down the exact time/place/date of when you think the Holy Spirit stopped working in and through the Catholic church.
Which of Christ's appointed lineage of Popes suddenly started following Lucifer, rather than stay "true" to the Church you wish we had back?
You must have some divine inspiration to know exactly when the Roman Catholic church and it's 1.1 Billion followers suddenly started down the path towards hell.
I'm not making a comment - just want a clearly succinct answer. The Thrones and Dominions of heaven are waiting as well!
TIYS

thetimman said...

Sorry again TIYS, but I don't agree with your premises.