08 March 2009

Headlines I'd Like to See But Won't

HOLOCAUST CONTROVERSY BISHOP TO ATTEND BURROUGHS PROM
'These imps need a good crack on the head with a crozier," says the embattled Williamson.

PROGRESSIVE CATHOLICS RETIRE EN MASSE
"Nobody listened to us anyway," says McBrien, "and we got a good deal on a retirement village."

BOZEK'S BMW IMPOUNDED BY METROPOLITAN TOWING
"Burke behind this," says heroic visionary priest.

FINN NAMED NEW ARCHBISHOP OF SAINT LOUIS
Territory returned to its full former boundaries; other Missouri Bishops named auxiliaries in statewide super-Archdiocese

USCCB DISBANDS
"Time for Bishops to do their canonically assigned jobs," says unnamed American prelate in Rome.




11 comments:

Anonymous said...

GUARDS POSTED
Local ordinary posts armed guards to enforce the long standing tradion and law of the requirement of women's head covering AND to protect holy water from being dumped out and replaced with sand. Rumor has it, that the infamous Unknown Canon Lawyer X is behind this move...his whereabouts unknown.

PMKD

jane chantal said...

LOL One can dream :-)

ordinary catholic said...

Your comment about restoring the original boundaries of the Archdiocese is very prescient. I have just been thinking that, with the drop-off in Catholic numbers and the closing of so many churches, many of the bishoprics could be closed and/or combined, and some of these bishops given early retirement.

Gregory Thaumaturgas said...

"FINN NAMED NEW ARCHBISHOP OF SAINT LOUIS
Territory returned to its full former boundaries; other Missouri Bishops named auxiliaries in statewide super-Archdiocese"

This is some of the best news I've heard for a long time!!!!!!!!!!!! Apb. R. Finn! Yes! St Louis won't be in trouble for awhile. St Louis could have had much worse luck. Finn is an extremely wise choice on the part of the Pope and his legates (Burke??!!)

Anonymous said...

VATICAN II DOCUMENTS WITHDRAWN

AP-THE VATICAN. In a move that sent shockwaves through the Catholic community worldwide, Pope Benedict XVI announced today that all 16 of the documents issued by the Second Vatican Council have been withdrawn, and are to be considered henceforth as having no doctrinal weight or official status in the Church's teaching authority or pastoral policy-setting.

"The 'updating renewal' is over," said the Vatican Secretary of State. "We apologize to all the faithful for the last 45 years. We are going to do everything possible to clean up the mess caused by this catastrophe as soon as possible. Everyone should consider this a return to normalcy."

Immediately upon this announcement, the national episcopal conference of France, Germany, the Netherlands and England announced that they have broke off formal relations with the Vatican.

(Javier)

thetimman said...

Gregory, I don't know if your comment is mere irony, but if not, I am sorry to pour water on you-- it is a headline I'd like to see but probably won't.

Gregory Thaumaturgas said...

Awww :( But I guess that proves that both you and I would love to see that.

I have to admit, I was so excited when I saw it, I probably didn't read everything else too carefully.

Anonymous said...

Bozek's BMW may be impounded because of Bialczak's (owner of Metropolitan Towing & S&H & Chairman of Board at St. Stan's) problems with the law :-))) LOL

Anonymous said...

As a member of Bishop Finn's diocese, one who prays for him daily at that, I must say that all is not always as rosy as it appears on the surface.

There has been a contingent fighting the dioscean 'child protection' program for a solid year now, to no avail. The diocese uses "Talking About Touching," a program that blatantly violates Church teaching on human sexuality and Bp. Finn has been notified of this fact on many occasions yet has not removed it from use.

As a parent of 6, I cannot fathom this decision, or lack thereof. We concerned parents have been told 'he is taking steps to replace it' but, with over 10,000 students being subjected in our Catholic schools... taking more than a year to protect their souls isn't fast enough.

This decision has caused many to question just what sort of shepherd we have been sent.

Anonymous said...

My guess is that Bishop Finn is spending the majority of his time on much more important matters. What could be more important than weeding out those "errors" that are ruining our lives on earth and sending us straight to eternal damnation? Of course, I'm referring to the sin of putting sand in the holy water fonts during Lent and other such egregious offenses. A man can only do so much.JMJ

Anonymous said...

Dear Anon,
I fully understand the gravity of what our Bishops face, truly I do.
However, I do not for a minute believe that s*x ed for elementary students is any LESS important than sand in Holy Water fonts!
He was our Bishop for a very short time when he did away with "New Wine" and that program affected a mere 100 ADULTS, give or take.

Talking About Touching is mandatory in all but 1 or 2 Dioscean schools and affects over 10,000 CHILDREN.

Hmmmmmm, I wonder where my priorty would be???

Thank GOD I can never be a Bishop!