19 June 2015

Saint Louis Catholic Announces Practical Plan for Climate Action

Never let it be said that Saint Louis Catholic stands on the sidelines while the great issues of the day are hanging in the balance.  Now that Catholics are called to front for Global Warming, I will do my part.  

But thetimman! What can I do?  I'm just... (consults fingers and toes...)... one man!

Never fear, peeps.  I give you a brutally practical way to do your part for the environment, and it is within the easy financial and logistical reach of any reader:

Step One: Buy a case of Nutella.  It is what peanut butter eaters ought to eat instead.  It may be, in fact, Europe's last great contribution to Western Civilization.  Now, like marriage and the rule of law, it is under attack. Take that Nutella, and eat it.  Eat it all.  

But wait!  Don't throw those jars away! Do you hate the environment?  Keep them, and proceed to...

Step Two: Buy a case of your favorite canned beverage.  I prefer Diet Rite.  Don't hate me.  Wash down that Nutella goodness, and chuck those cans.  By launching the cans out your window, you will provide employment and money-making opportunities for youth and neglected old persons. See, they can recycle them and get some dough!  Save the plastic rings, too.  Save them, don't throw them away!  Do you hate the environment? Keep them, and proceed to...

Step Three: Buy a bag of party balloons and fill them with helium.  Why?  Because, friend, your labors in the climate change effort will now be rewarded.  Take your Nutella Jars and fit them neatly within the orphaned can rings, then tie them to the balloons.  Take them outside and release them into Brother Atmosphere.  This festive bundle of colorful joy will let everyone know that Nutella, balloons, and soda can rings are dangerous to the environment.  

Taking this practical action will do more good than merely droning on at family gatherings and berating your relatives about global warming, which is the usual tactic.  Preach the ecogospel without words!

(Optional) Step Four:  When you're finished, hit the combox to report on your results! 

A friendly warning:  Some people have no sense of humor. Good luck!


ATW said...

Diet Rite!?!

Oh my...

thetimman said...

Bourbon doesn't come in a can.

JAL said...

T-we are hoarding happiness in a jar (Nutella) for the end times. May we use anything else?